Perfection is attained: not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Friday, 30 October 2009


Well, I've decided i'm not allowing myself to post again 'til i've got myself sorted.
I'm going today to buy a new set of scales and i won't be back 'til i'm 100 lbs.
Hope you girls are all doing well, i'll still be checking up on everyone else's blogs.

P.S. thankyou survival of the thinest you've been so supportive :)

See you in skinny-land ladies!

Thursday, 29 October 2009

You know what my problem is?

When i'm good i'm reeeeeally good..but when i'm bad i'm awful!

I am my own worst-enemy. Honestly, I hate the way i am so all-or-nothing about every aspect of my life- and clearly a huge chunk of that involves the argument between needing to eat and needing to be thin.

I've being doing so well lately but even i know i either have good days or bad days and as soon as i step out of line on one of my rules or give into temptation no matter if its picking at 1 or 100 chips off my brother's plate i just think..
 'fuck it! i've  made my day shit now..anyone hungry? i fancy a binge for breakfast, lunch and dinner please'..'oh, there's a nice block of cake in the fridge too to snack on incase i get hungry inbetween meals' 

Eugh, 'what's the plan for the rest of the day then?'
Feel shit about yourself and your whale-like appearance and vow to never eat again.

'And tomorrow?'
Rinse and repeat.

To be honest i never used to understand binges.
Back when my, um, situation (?) with food started i never felt the urge to step outta my own restrictions..maybe i'm losing ana?
Well i want her back!.. And quickly too if you don't mind. I have a bikini to squeeze into into in less than 8 weeks.
Fuck, i've just realised how little time i don't actually have.

Please help me stay strong, I need this like i need to breathee.
Mm -dramadramadrama- but its the only thing that matters to me now.

 Thinner is the winner. 
(i obviously just haven't grasped that myself yet..)

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

'Fashion is the Healthiest Form of Thinspiration'

And you know what, I think that's so true.
I've found two gorgeous pairs of shoes, i'm trying to decide whether to just buy one or both on payday friday ;)..either way i really can't afford it
1- patent red peeptoe platforms from office : £80
2- black ankle boots from faith : £120
they're actually beautiful lol. But all i kept thinking is these will look gorgeous when i am thin but the thought of squeezing my chunky calfs into the boots slightly shatters the image i'm after :(
So anyways just another motive for me to keep trying, my goal just feels so far away though it makes it hard. I can't imagine how i will feel when i finally do though, just a couple of months of sacrifice for the thing i want more in the world.

Oh god, i'm updating twice a day now though, i feel abit addicted, i would say i'd take a break but it would be a lie ;)

Thinspo while i'm here?


Healthy Competition?

Hello ladies (and new followers!)
So as you know and obviously understand how hard it is not having scales (ahh!?) and i hate not knowing where i am i've come up with an idea with my friend.
So, there's always been tbh major competition between me and H i've never really known why 'cause she's gorgeous and thin, but we are both the most alike out of all our friends (small, long brown hair, spends all our money on clothes..) and for this reason she's always seen it as an opportunity to be better than me at all these things.
We did actually fall out over it 'cause she took it too far and friends don't normally try to make you look shit just so they can look good? RIght? Hmm..
Anyways, we've just started hanging out again and guess what she has ;)
oh yes, a lovely pair of accurate SCALES.
We've got a free period every tuesday morning in college so we're having a weekly weigh in then at hers. Obviously just to track our progress, no competition necessary 8-)
I'm really excited though 'cause now i have something to work for each week i think i'll be more determined to lose. Plus, with her checking the scales too i have to beat her don't i?
Just a bit of healhy motivation and because of that anyone for some ..thinspiration?

This is where we will be  ;)

Her birthday is the 19th of December, six days before i go away..
So i'm hoping to reach my goal weight of 90lbs by then, I'm 104lbs now do you guys think it's possible?
Obviously i'd like to reach it by December, but i don't want to disappoint myself anymore.
I can't purge, i've tried and tried but no gag reflexes! so if anyone can give any tips on how else you lot lose quickly?
Here's my diet plan for the rest of this week:

B: Green Tea and Porridge        - 175 cals.
S: Pear                                            - 80 cals
L: Slim'a'soup and a satsuma    - 70 cals
S: Non Fat Yoghurt                      - 75 cals
D: Banana                                      - 100 cals

Total: 500 cals
I'm gonna go to the gym everyday I'm not working next week too. I hope it works.
Then next week i'm gonna cut out the cereal and go from there.

Hope everyone else is doing well

Think beautiful, skinny thoughts!

Monday, 26 October 2009


Gahhh, having no scales is killing me now.
I can't wait 'til i can get some cha-ching and buy myself some..
(i've been looking at some WW ones online, £17.99 not bad..)

I hate myself and i dont know where i am with regard to weight right now :s it's sooo frustrating.
how can i hide them though?
i feel like a fat cow now; full from ice-cream.

I am my own reverse-thinspo.

I am sooo angry with myself right now, and as i write this i physically feel sick. And not just from disappointment.
I was so so determined to do well on this fast as well...
So yesterday couldn't have been easier and it's not even like i have been that hungry these last two days, even today when my mum made me go food shopping with her i still felt like i had a strong resolve and would be able to make it atleast 'til the end of tomorrow.
But ofcourse not, and the most annoying thing is that i honestly thought i could do it.
So we'd come home and she'd offered me some food whilst she was making and by this time i'd starting getting that slightly shaky feeling and i think she could tell.
She kept going on and on :( so i had some soup and she gave me the last bit of bread 'to finish it off'.
Gahhh, carbs are my enemy!!
After that i just thought i've failed now and broken my fast :/ what's the point in trying anymore. So ofcourse i had to have 4(1) toffee pops (these deliscious biscuits) and i just made myself a sandwich (again with the carbs!).
This is the problem, i wishh wish wish i actually hated food as much as i do what it does to my body and the way it makes me feel. I am just too all or nothing so as soon as i go against my own rules i just think fuck it.
So now, i feel bloated with bread and hating myself for my lack of strength.       ME vv

Even as i write this though, i know i'm not finished. Nahh, there's a new tub of Ben&Jerry's in the fridge. Now i'm sitting down to watch 'My Best friend's girl' and what's the bet it will remain unopened. Hmm?

Onto more positive things.. i have 3 followers!-hello lovelies :)
i'm gonna pay more attention to making these posts worth reading now ;)

I've decided what i'm gonna do is tomorrow keep my cals really low and definitely NO CARBS.  Then wednesday-friday try and fast again :/ which should be easier 'cause i have work in the nights which is when it's hardest and loadsa essays to keep me busy in the days!
I'll keep you updated though ladies, seeing as i can't seem to resist this new blog ;).. am i addicted, just about lol.

I'm wanting to go into ketosis though, if anyone knows how you do? and how long it takes?

Here's some thinspo anyways to keep everyone else who i'm sure is doing so much better than me going..

Finally the last thing i want to say is the x-factor last night left me questioning the British public's sanity? Two of the best acts were fighting for survival. Mm, atleast my Danyl wasn't voted off (:

Hunger hurts but starving works

Sunday, 25 October 2009

Day One.


Ahh ^^ that is just perfection to me. I love her hipbones, that is exactly what I'm striving to be.
Godd, so day one of my fast over. And it has literally been a breeze, which is inevitable for the first day. I got abit hungry at lunchtime but i've been at work all day running about (thank god! money and distraction;)) and by the time i was finished they'd passed. My mum met me in town though and bought me a small hot chocolate :/ but it's cool, i've still not consumed any food. She's making dinner now but I not hungry at all anyway so it should be easy not having any?

BUT, next saturday i'm being forced to dress up for halloween. SO i had to buy an outfit today..mmm a cat.
I've got the ears, tail, cuffs (since when do animals wear shiny black and silver cuffs!?) and the bowtie (obviously).
i'm just wearing leggings and a black vest top. But ahh, pressure. Very tight outfit and i'm dreading having to walk about in that. But i've still got a week before i'm squeezing into that little number. That's why I'm going to challenge myself and see if i can extend this fast anymore than 3 days...
i'll decide after tuesday though!

I'm gonna post abit of my personal, favourite thinspo- Jessica Stroup to keep us all motivated (: ...

She is sooo gorgeous and tiny.
I love 90210.

Anyways, x-factor tonight, lets hope the twins go ;)

Thin has a taste all of its own

Saturday, 24 October 2009

Let's make this FAST.

I've just remembered and I know that no-one's probably came across this blog yet but even so...
Tomorrow i'm starting a 3-day fast.
Quite excited, i want to feel the emptiness.
So please feel free to join? Late or not.
I'll update on how it goes.

Oh and while i'm here i might aswell give abit of an x-factor update ;)!
Let me just say that i think Danyl Johnson is one of the sexiesttt men alive

 Oh Baby ;) anyyy day! lol.

BUT :| john&edward anyone? i'm confused!
why are they still here.

 Annoying little bastards too aren't they. It would be different if they were even funny...

Enough of them anyway, i'm really looking forward to this fast tomorrow. I've been feeling like such'a fat pig this weekend and i can't stand the way i feel after stuffing my face. Hope everyone is doing well though.

 Eat to live, don't live to eat.


I have spent so much time reading through other people's blogs I actually can't believe it's taken so long for my to make my own. Well finally, here we are. For the purpose of keeping anonymity in this blog I'm gonna refer to myself as Skinnylovin'.
I'm 16 and live in the UK. I'm barely 5 foot and atm my CW is about 104 lbs but my GW is for the time being 90 lbs - which i am absolutely determined to reach by christmas. ++ not just for the party season (even though that's a reason in itself) but a holiday. With my family. And their friends. Oh god, six boys. All of which are older than me. Just a liiiiittle bit of pressure thinking about squeezing into that bikini. Fuck.
Now i know i'm not morbidly obese but I just feel so far from where i want to be and fortunately (sarcasm) for me my mum's decided to take away my scales. She isn't new to the ED scene, after struggling with anorexia and bulimia for most of her life so she knows the signs.

It's hard to try and cover up when the person you're trying to hide from knows all the tricks in the book.
Even so, I'm way too stubborn for my own good. So now i'm set upon reaching my goal I know that I can. Watch me disappear...I can't wait.

Now don't think that I'm new to the ED scene, i've had my own little Ana nibbling away at my thoughts in the back of my mind since I was about nine. A horrible age to be so obsessed by foodfoodfood.
But particularly over the last year my weight has reached greater highs and more obvious lows than ever before. And i can't deny that i loved being the one controlling the way that i appeared to others. Thin is a skill and only the most crafted can sculpt their bodies into their own masterpieces.I've always understood 'eat less, weight less' and always known that there is no way I'd be able to deal with being fat. Maybe this is cause&effect of having an eating disordered mother who unintentionally rubbed off her erratic ideas of eating onto her daughter.

I'm not saying I blame her, I mean nobody can actually pinpoint the time when you lose all understanding of one of humans' most vital neccessities: to eat.

 So now I'm playing God and controlling my human instincts and making the choices. And I'm choosing to be beautiful.

Thin think; starve long.