I have spent so much time reading through other people's blogs I actually can't believe it's taken so long for my to make my own. Well finally, here we are. For the purpose of keeping anonymity in this blog I'm gonna refer to myself as Skinnylovin'.
I'm 16 and live in the UK. I'm barely 5 foot and atm my CW is about 104 lbs but my GW is for the time being 90 lbs - which i am absolutely determined to reach by christmas. ++ not just for the party season (even though that's a reason in itself) but a holiday. With my family. And their friends. Oh god, six boys. All of which are older than me. Just a liiiiittle bit of pressure thinking about squeezing into that bikini. Fuck.
Now i know i'm not morbidly obese but I just feel so far from where i want to be and fortunately (sarcasm) for me my mum's decided to take away my scales. She isn't new to the ED scene, after struggling with anorexia and bulimia for most of her life so she knows the signs.
It's hard to try and cover up when the person you're trying to hide from knows all the tricks in the book.
Even so, I'm way too stubborn for my own good. So now i'm set upon reaching my goal I know that I can. Watch me disappear...I can't wait.
Now don't think that I'm new to the ED scene, i've had my own little Ana nibbling away at my thoughts in the back of my mind since I was about nine. A horrible age to be so obsessed by foodfoodfood.
But particularly over the last year my weight has reached greater highs and more obvious lows than ever before. And i can't deny that i loved being the one controlling the way that i appeared to others. Thin is a skill and only the most crafted can sculpt their bodies into their own masterpieces.I've always understood 'eat less, weight less' and always known that there is no way I'd be able to deal with being fat. Maybe this is cause&effect of having an eating disordered mother who unintentionally rubbed off her erratic ideas of eating onto her daughter.
I'm not saying I blame her, I mean nobody can actually pinpoint the time when you lose all understanding of one of humans' most vital neccessities: to eat.
So now I'm playing God and controlling my human instincts and making the choices. And I'm choosing to be beautiful.
Thin think; starve long.