Perfection is attained: not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

You know what my problem is?

When i'm good i'm reeeeeally good..but when i'm bad i'm awful!

I am my own worst-enemy. Honestly, I hate the way i am so all-or-nothing about every aspect of my life- and clearly a huge chunk of that involves the argument between needing to eat and needing to be thin.

I've being doing so well lately but even i know i either have good days or bad days and as soon as i step out of line on one of my rules or give into temptation no matter if its picking at 1 or 100 chips off my brother's plate i just think..
 'fuck it! i've  made my day shit now..anyone hungry? i fancy a binge for breakfast, lunch and dinner please'..'oh, there's a nice block of cake in the fridge too to snack on incase i get hungry inbetween meals' 

Eugh, 'what's the plan for the rest of the day then?'
Feel shit about yourself and your whale-like appearance and vow to never eat again.

'And tomorrow?'
Rinse and repeat.

To be honest i never used to understand binges.
Back when my, um, situation (?) with food started i never felt the urge to step outta my own restrictions..maybe i'm losing ana?
Well i want her back!.. And quickly too if you don't mind. I have a bikini to squeeze into into in less than 8 weeks.
Fuck, i've just realised how little time i don't actually have.

Please help me stay strong, I need this like i need to breathee.
Mm -dramadramadrama- but its the only thing that matters to me now.

 Thinner is the winner. 
(i obviously just haven't grasped that myself yet..)

1 comment:

  1. It's so hard to get back on track when you have that one off day. I am having that exact issue. Losing one day throws everything off for me. But you will get through this. Friday is a new day to start over everything. Cleansing the body and just starting fresh in the morning or after you have completed a long list of present things to do.

    You will get through this and start over love =]