I am my own worst-enemy. Honestly, I hate the way i am so all-or-nothing about every aspect of my life- and clearly a huge chunk of that involves the argument between needing to eat and needing to be thin.
I've being doing so well lately but even i know i either have good days or bad days and as soon as i step out of line on one of my rules or give into temptation no matter if its picking at 1 or 100 chips off my brother's plate i just think..
'fuck it! i've made my day shit now..anyone hungry? i fancy a binge for breakfast, lunch and dinner please'..'oh, there's a nice block of cake in the fridge too to snack on incase i get hungry inbetween meals'
Eugh, 'what's the plan for the rest of the day then?'
Feel shit about yourself and your whale-like appearance and vow to never eat again.
Rinse and repeat.
To be honest i never used to understand binges.
Back when my, um, situation (?) with food started i never felt the urge to step outta my own restrictions..maybe i'm losing ana?
Well i want her back!.. And quickly too if you don't mind. I have a bikini to squeeze into into in less than 8 weeks.
Fuck, i've just realised how little time i don't actually have.
Please help me stay strong, I need this like i need to breathee.
Mm -dramadramadrama- but its the only thing that matters to me now.
Thinner is the winner.
(i obviously just haven't grasped that myself yet..)