Perfection is attained: not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Monday, 26 October 2009

I am my own reverse-thinspo.

I am sooo angry with myself right now, and as i write this i physically feel sick. And not just from disappointment.
I was so so determined to do well on this fast as well...
So yesterday couldn't have been easier and it's not even like i have been that hungry these last two days, even today when my mum made me go food shopping with her i still felt like i had a strong resolve and would be able to make it atleast 'til the end of tomorrow.
But ofcourse not, and the most annoying thing is that i honestly thought i could do it.
So we'd come home and she'd offered me some food whilst she was making and by this time i'd starting getting that slightly shaky feeling and i think she could tell.
She kept going on and on :( so i had some soup and she gave me the last bit of bread 'to finish it off'.
Gahhh, carbs are my enemy!!
After that i just thought i've failed now and broken my fast :/ what's the point in trying anymore. So ofcourse i had to have 4(1) toffee pops (these deliscious biscuits) and i just made myself a sandwich (again with the carbs!).
This is the problem, i wishh wish wish i actually hated food as much as i do what it does to my body and the way it makes me feel. I am just too all or nothing so as soon as i go against my own rules i just think fuck it.
So now, i feel bloated with bread and hating myself for my lack of strength.       ME vv

Even as i write this though, i know i'm not finished. Nahh, there's a new tub of Ben&Jerry's in the fridge. Now i'm sitting down to watch 'My Best friend's girl' and what's the bet it will remain unopened. Hmm?

Onto more positive things.. i have 3 followers!-hello lovelies :)
i'm gonna pay more attention to making these posts worth reading now ;)

I've decided what i'm gonna do is tomorrow keep my cals really low and definitely NO CARBS.  Then wednesday-friday try and fast again :/ which should be easier 'cause i have work in the nights which is when it's hardest and loadsa essays to keep me busy in the days!
I'll keep you updated though ladies, seeing as i can't seem to resist this new blog ;).. am i addicted, just about lol.

I'm wanting to go into ketosis though, if anyone knows how you do? and how long it takes?

Here's some thinspo anyways to keep everyone else who i'm sure is doing so much better than me going..

Finally the last thing i want to say is the x-factor last night left me questioning the British public's sanity? Two of the best acts were fighting for survival. Mm, atleast my Danyl wasn't voted off (:

Hunger hurts but starving works

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