hello strangers

well all i can say is it's been a while!
to be honest i have still been lurking on all'a your blogs religiously, everyday. i just didn't know what to write.
i hate coming on here and posting crap, unmotivated entries about how i'm failing my latest attempt at this.

i put on some weight i'm not sure how much, i probably mentioned it in posts before but i'm back down to 108.. or atleast i was this morning. i've been going raw, or atleast trying to.

(with regards to dukan: i think it may have worked, but me being me with my incapabality of following rules and instead taking things to an 'all or nothing' level [this case all] i messed up the first, probably most important stage, attack. i was apparently only meant to follow this stage for 2 days, but no i went for 10 days, of pure protein.
my blood pressure dropped to the floor and i had grey-outs daily by the end of the week and a half. i got tinnitis because the low supply of blood...

web definition: a ringing or booming sensation in one or both ears.

it wasn't so much painful, just incredibly irritating and apparently some people can never get rid. Which left me a bit worried, just imagine a train constantly pulling through the room below your bedroom and try sleeping.

the weightloss aspect was also altered by my elongation of the boundaries. (sorry if this is TMI for some) but because of the non-existent amount of fibre you eat in this stage of the diet, you get awful constipation. I know that it's rare for people amongst this community to be 'regular' anyway because of their regimented diets but i mean i was knecking back on the laxies and every morning continued to wake up with a balloon sized, bloated belly. Which not only hurt my stomach, but didn't help on the scale. And i mean, atall. Infact i'm sure i maybe gained.

So basically i'm not trying to dissuade anyone from the diet, but my only advice would be to actually follow the rules and do it healthily. And which one of you are considering a healthy weightloss diet, really?)

So yes, back to now, for the last couple of weeks i've tried to integrate as much raw food into my diet.
I'm aiming for 90% so a typical day would be a fat free yoghurt for breakfast with a green tea and 0 calorie sweeteners, snacking on dried/fresh fruit and nuts throughout the day and a plainish salad at night. Never really more than 600cals.

I lose about 5 pounds in the week and the diet goes AWOL come saturday and sunday. Not purposefully, and i know it sounds like a pathetic excuse but i was forced last sunday to eat dinner. And i mean humiliated into looking normal, infront of not only family but people i'd only just met. I don't want to bore you with details but i din't really have much choice.

So i took a double does of strong laxies and flushed my system monday. (Sorry again for TMI but..) 6 times i had to go to the toilet that morning and i know it's gross but it showed how much shit was in my system (pardon the pun..)

3 weeks this saturday i'm jetting off to spend 2 weeks in a bikini and i can tell you now i have a helluva mission with regards to weightloss, i will not be going anywhere weighing more than 98lbs. I'm hoping for more, and i know it's do-able as i did it the first time round.

On another note, i just finished reading (for the third time) Ana Regzig's blog. I find her so inspirational, and i know people criticise her rewards that allow her to binge- but girls lets admit that there really is only a few amongst us who really actually dislike food. Admitting to enjoying it doesn't make you weaker, infact it shows how great your willpower is to actually be able to abstain from something you like. Stronger.

And really how can you criticise a girl who fasts almost everyday of the week and maybe eats 500 cals on  2 selected days.
I know i wish i had the freedom and strength to.

Finally, i'm definitely gonna start updating more regularly (i had my laptop replaced with a brilliant brand new one, only thing is i now have nada thinspo), so if you've read this far down you can expect alot more where this came from (: i hope to hear from some of you girls, i promise to get better with commenting you lot, but you can be sure i'm always reading!

Join me in the race to skinny

x