Perfection is attained: not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

I haven't wanted to post, 'cause i haven't alot to say.
I hate the fact that everytime i write a new entry i have nothing new to add- just more depression, let downs. Boring. All boring, same-old fat.
I've still been reading everyone's blogs but i was just embarassed to say anything myself when everyone is atleast making some progress and i just stay here, the same. I simply remain.
I think i've put on weight but i have no official way of knowing for sure..the scales are gone.
I live in baggy joggers and a huge coat- yes i do look a ho-bo and i hate that too.
My mum just came up and we tried to sort out my wadrobe, i was suprised at how many nice clothes I have. All wastes of money, obviously. I ended up just sat on the floor unable to stop crying. Mainly because i cannot believe i have got to the stage where i'm scared of a pair of jeans, scared of everyone's reaction to my body. Embarassed to allow anyone to see. So I hide, and i waste my life, sitting inside in stupid joggies and an oversized, overworn coat.
It's ridiculous, i don't know how i got to this stage/state. This isn't me and it needs to stop.
I've been trying, trying hard to stop a binge; remember what it is i'm trying for.

I will do it, eventually, because i can't carry on hiding away, i'm not pathetic. I am strong, i need confidence and all i want is to be happy.
4 weeks to my birthday, and if i'm not 94lbs i don't want to be anything at all.

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